KaRaKiRiKoRoRo

Ah God, I thought at this period I already have my heart healed! But I was wrong. It still feel hurt. I still can't function normally as before. The memories, the feeling of missing him (for the talks, chat, and just sharing reels on IG), and all the expectation and plans I created: hurt me every day, even after 8 months passed. Did I do big sins in the passed? So I should endure this feeling, which felt like taking my life? Why can't I just forget him. Why just can't I stop from wishing him will reach out for me one day? What's wrong with you Beth? You've been so strong and happy before met him. You care nothing but only about your self and your happiness. But why should you put your self and happiness before him now? What is so special about him? Please, back to your happy version of Elisabeth. The woman who enjoy and love her self before anyone else. Who will not care about people who hurt your feeling. Ayo Beth, move on!! Ayo bahagia lagi tanpa berekspektasi tha...

August 9th 2023 We got matched on Tinder and you messaged me first, asking about what shouldn't you missed while you were on your vacay in Bali. With no expectation at all (as I gave up on dating app), I just gladly gave you some recommendations. As a 'thank you', you offered me a coffee date.   August 11th 2023 Felt like the universe was in our side, we made it with the coffee date and spent the whole night together too. It was a nice well-spent time, from coffee to pizza and some drinks.    August 12th 2023 The morning next day, as we separated, I just thought it wont getting anywhere. I hoped for nothing. Then in the evening, you messaged me asking how was my gym session. And you shared your plans for next few days and asked me whether if it possible for me to be part of  it. I was a bit surprise, because I didn't think you would ask me for that. Then all were flowing naturally. You kept updating me your activities and else. As I had the online training, it really...

What a shameful person I am. I've lost my last chance to tell what i want to tell. Just because of my ego, I couldn't give the gift that I've prepared since 2 weeks ago. A gift as a farewell and a thank you. This gift will only end in my bag, as a sad ending for my ego.

Sayōnara  means good bye in Japanese A word you say at the time you leave or left  A word with sadness and happiness  Sayōnara It will become a word with sadness for me 41 days left before a "sayonara' is come, when you leave 41 days before I miss you so much I will not see you  with my own eyes I will not hear your voice with my own ear I will not can do that any more for periods i don't know how long it will take Maybe it will only take months? Years? Or maybe the time will never come  Will be the day you'll leave is the time I can do all of that thing? I hate that day! But you said, you are waiting forward on that day so much You missed your country, your family, and your normal life so much That fact is hurt me when you tell it I still want you to leave here But I have no brave to said And maybe, even though I'll say it I'm sure nothing's gonna change I'm no body I'm just a secret admirer of you ...

Love is like an uninvited guest It comes like a thief Without you realizing it, the love come to your life Love for someone you never thought of The love fill your heart, your mind, and your life Without asking for your permit, the love grows 'Till the day you realize it The love is already jumping in your heart Affecting your brain, so the only thing stay on your mind is him To be honest, I don't know what love is Is it only a feeling between two of people and proofed with a status? Or is it something you feel with other who steal you mind? One thing I know, this is the 2nd time I feel for this deep of feeling For years I still can't make a move on from one of my friend Now I feel the same feeling I felt with him Something that make me happy even for a very simple thing I have with him A crunchy humor can be a very good humor to re-laugh A very simple act can be a very good memory to remember Suddenly, everything seems more interesting now But I can...

Halo, hola, alohaaa!!! After the very, very, very busy weeks in last Dec '14 to Jan '15, finally on March 14th of 2015 I graduated from ITS Surabaya. I was officially as a Environmental Engineer. It was a very happy moment. Finally, after my hardwork for about 4 years in ITS Surabaya, plus with an extra hardwork in the last semester, I can finish my Bachelor study. But, now I realize, a status as a student is better than a status as an unemployee. It already H+39 after my graduation, but i still don't find any job. Moreover, some of friend i know, already end their unemployee status and been worked in some reputable industry. And me???? I still stay with my status, as an unemployee :( It's to tired to wait. I just want to find a job soon. I want to help my sister with her new house payment. I want to give my parent some little present. I want to treat my brothers with some good food in my own money. But, i still can't do that, since I still don't find any...

It's been 1 month since my last post. After filled with very, very hard weeks, for this last month, finally i can breathing a bit freely. The very final assignment of me been finished and now i'm facing a phase of unemployment. Yeah, eventhough it's not officially yet, my new status is as an umployment :( For this last one month, many moments were created (wekeweke, i do not sure whether it is suit to mentioned as 'created' :P or no). After finished my final test, finished the book and prepared all documents for the graduation, me with my friends of TL 2011 had a excursion study to Bali for 5D/4N (include 2 night along the trip). Not felt so excited at that trip. Beside for its not too attractive destination, also because of my foolness been fooled by the textile seller in Sukowati market. hohoho :'( After cameback from Bali, at the same day of our return (Friday, Jan 30th), me and 6 of my friends (TL2011 too) and one of outsider (my friend's girlfr...

Feel fear for being fail Feel fear for being a looser The feeling of fear fill my mind this time I cant control my mind, to feel no worry Seeing my friend been succeed to get their Engineer title Face of happiness, face of satisfy One week before my time One week before i know what will  the result One week to prepare the best# One week to face all the reality I just want one thing Heart full of gratitude A sincere heart, to admit what God's answer for my pray Help me God Hold my hand o Lord Hold my heart o Lord Take this fear and change it with a hope in You Need You so much For i know, i can't handle all this thing my self Amen -Env. Eng. Dept, Jan 9th 2015, 20:20-

December 17th 2014, 14 days to go before the year of 2014 is over. Less than 15 days before the deadline of my Final Assignment's draft collecting. And it's only about 1 month left before i know my 'fate' here in Teknik Lingkungan ITS Surabaya, as a college student. Hectic? Yes!!! Superb!!! It feels like the time run so fast, leave me behind with so many task to do. Feel fear? I won't say i have no fear to face it all. I fear of failure. I fear i can't face the next test well. But, for feel worry??? BIG NO!! Because, I need no worry for Jesus is walk in my side. No worry, because i know my Jesus has bigger plans fo my future. No worry, because i know my Jesus is BIGGER than all of my worries. I put my trust in Him. I put my dreams, my hope, my ambition, my worries, and everything i have in Him. Three days ago, in Christmas Celebration of the GBKP's youth, i heard a song by Corrinne May, 'Five Loaves and Two Fishes'. It is a song about trusti...

Because trend of '#20 Fact 'bout me' is happening this time and because there is none challenging me, so i will make it my self. hahahaha Ok, here we go....... 1. My name is Pretty Yuniarti Elisabeth Sipayung 2. I am a Jesus' daughter and a follower of Jesus Christ. Yes i am a Christian 3. Known as Sabeth (by my family) and Pretty (for others- friend, teacher, etc) 4. The last child in my family (the 4th child) 5. R.Lumbantoruan is my mother and EBM Sipayung is my father 6. I have 3 siblings, the eldest is my sister (Tetty Sipayung), 2nd is my brother (Alex Sipayung), and the 3rd is also my brother (Edwin Sipayung) 7. Now i have my study in Teknik Lingkungan, FTSP, ITS Surabaya 8. I'm 158 cm in height and XX kg in weight hahahah 9. Already in 7th semester (last year student :D :D ) 10. Love everything about Japan so much, especially story about ancient Japan and their cultures 11. Bad in English, but so often try to write and to speak in English :D :...

Yeay!!! It's 7th semester already. Wow!!! Become last year student already, the 'oldest' in the university. Hohohoho. 7th semester, hope become the last semester for my bachelor degree. For three years in Surabaya, far away from my family. The end of my study is coming near. Hope i can finish it well in this semester. So much fear actually. But i wont give up, for Jesus is there for me. If He want me to finish my study in this semester, His will be done. I will receive my bachelor degree with 'Sarjana Teknik (ST)' title after my name in this semester. I will never stop to achieve it. Whatever will be His answer, at least i try my  best. Hard semester to face, but  i believe it will be a very happy ending soon. Many things outside are waiting for me. Many things to do in the future, with Jesus walk in front of me. Ganbatte!!!! :)

Wow!! I just read my last post, and it was almost 5 months ago. It is been a long time since i wrote my last post. Yeah, now May 13th of 2014 at 13.54 WIB, when i write this post. It only 4 weeks left, before i end this semester. 2 weeks of study and 2 weeks of final test. Wow!!! Such as a very hectic time. 2 weeks left for me to finish all of my final assignment, and I have 3 final assignments. Oh My God!!! It difficult to make sure my self, whether i can finish it or not! -_-" Just like my last post, for this semester i also surrender for the result of my GPA. Whatever the lecturer give me, i believe it is the best, and it will be God will. God know me the best, and He will show me the best as my effort along this semester. I believe my God prepare the best for me, and will enable me to pass everything. This semester will end with a happy ending. And i will continue the happy ending till the 7th semester for next year with tittle in my last name, Pretty Y.E. Sipayung, S.T.. ...

Tersisa 2 minggu lagi waktu perkuliahan. Hari ini menjadi hari terakhir kuliah. Dalam 2 minggu ke depan udah UAS. Dan dalam kurang sebulan, hasil evaluasi untuk semester ini akan keluar. Better or worst? Let God show me.. Apapun hasilnya yah pengennya hanya bersyukur aja. Sadar diri kok saya, semester ini merupakan semester terburuk dan termalas yang saya jalani. Terlalu banyak waktu terbuang sia-sia. Terlalu cuek diri untuk tugas-tugas yang ada.  Had no interest and spirit along this semester. Belum lagi pikiran dan tenaga yang habis terkuras memikirkan perasaan gila yang gak nginjak tanah lagi. Pikiran yang terbang terlalu tinggi memikirkan akan perasaan ini. 2013 was over.. 2014 is coming... ga ada lagi perasaan gila yang nguras pikiran. Ga ada lagi malas-malas.. Dare to face the reality ahead. Apapun hasil semester ini, biar Tuhan yang bekerja. Khawatir memang iya. Tapi aku gak mau takut. Tuhan udah siapkan yang terbaik...:D Selamat datang UAS!!! Selamat datang 2014!!! Selam...

Setahun lebih sudah ternyata aku menaruh rasa padamu… Tak tahu kapan tepatnya rasa ini mulai tumbuh dan kubiarkan untuk mekar di hatiku… Kau yang tak pernah terpikirkan untuk kusuka sejak pertama kali bertemu dan berkenalan… Kau yang dahulu adalah kuanggap sama saja dengan teman-teman pria yang ada di sekitarku… Kau yang adalah di luar kriteria pria yang ingin kujadikan pasangan hidupku… Tapi, sudah setahun ini, ternyata kau telah mengisi salah satu ruang di hatiku… Ruang khusus yang sengaja kusediakan untuk seorang yang ingin kujadikan sebagai pendamping hidupku… Seorang yang akan menjadi rekan sekerjaku menjalani kehidupan ini, sekali untuk selamanya… Suka-Sayang-Cinta atau apalah itu yang akupun tak mengerti akan apa yang ada di diriku saat ini… Yang kutahu, perasaan ini telah terlanjur memenuhi hati ini… Tidak tahu apa yang telah memupuknya sehingga ia mampu mekar tanpa aku sendiri pun sadari… Sampai akhirnya, di saat perasaan ini tengah bermekaran di hati...

Am i nut already?? I think, YES!!! For a lmost a week, i've turned on my playlist with EndahNRhesa's song, 'When You Love Someone' and Chery Belle's, 'Diam-Diam Suka'. What a crazy thing i was did??.. There was no day with the songs... This is the 1st time i am nut as now...I have lost my mind.. .I cant act as myself anymore...:( If i has a brave to tell him..If i strong enough to hear and to accept for his response...And so many if...:(... I love you but it is not so easy, to make you here with me... I wanna touch and hold you forever But you still in my dream.. I can't stand to wait till night is comin' to my life But I still have time to break a silence.. When you love someone, just be brave to say, you want him to be with you..:'( I used to hide and watch u from.a distance and i knew you realize I was looking for a time to get closer at least to say hello I cant stand to wait your love is comin' to my life And i never thau...

I just re-tweet @DamnItsTrue account, that tweeted 'I love you, i hope you know it!'. YEAH ...I thought of that too almost along this week. I love you for almost 1 year. I just want you to know that, nothing else. I am not asking you to answer for what i feel in you. I am not asking you to be my boyfriend. Just accept my feeling, even with no reply. Just accept me as my self and don't avoid me after you know my feeling with you.. Just simple as that..:) I just want to say 'I love You'... And i'm happy for what i feel with you..To know you is my pleasure to me..:)..Nice to know you...:) - Selamat   Datang Putra Desember ..:)-

Honestly, i hate to love others...Even if it is a love of friendship, love between boy and girl, or other kind of love.. I hate to be in love, because i'm a  very sensitive one.. It feel too hurt, if someone i loved do something, even a very simple thing, in a way that i never ever expected. It feel hurt at the time they go away from my life. I'm too scare of loosing them from my life..I dont want them to leave me alone.. Yes i'm selfish..I dont want if they are taken from my life.. So it'll be better if i never loving them. It'll be better just to know them.. It feel to hurt, when i realize i love them so much...:'(

Yeah, the 4th semester was over.... Welcome 5th semester.. Be friend with me, please..:D Even no enhancement for this semester (also for the last 2 semesters), but with no doubt, no need to regret.  It means you need to study harder Beth...:D... You need more effort... You need more concentration... You need more focus.. You need more wisdom to rearrange your schedule... You need more time to have a personal time with God... You need more willing to do all of your tasks seriously... And you need more things to increase your grade for the next semester... 5th semester... It will definitely more harder... More responsible to face... More tasks to do... But less time you have to handle it all... Be more wise... Be more sensitive... Be more commited... Welcome 5th semester... Welcome new term... Ganbatte!!!! And God be with me...:D

     Memang benar adanya Tuhan memberi jawaban atas semua hal yang kita tanyakan melalui hal-hal atau peristiwa yang tidak kita sangka sebelumnya. Demikian dengan saya, sering sekali saya secara pribadi mengalami hal semacam itu dalam setiap lembar kehidupan saya.     Sebagai contoh yaitu pengalaman saya sehari penuh di hari Minggu, 28 April 2013 kemarin. Di hari tersebut adalah jadwal pelaksanaan, Gowes + Penanaman Pohon Mangrove yang diadakan oleh jurusan tempat saya kuliah. Saya turut serta di dalamnya, sebagai panitia dan sebagai seorang perserta gowes. Ya, saya pribadi sangat menyenangi olahraga tersebut (re:gowes). Bangun lebih pagi di hari itu, untuk segera berkumpul di jurusan sebagai bentuk persiapan pelaksanaannya. Setelah selesai mencuci muka, saya segera bersiap-siap untuk berangkat. Tidak lupa membawa bekal air putih.       Sarapan adalah sesuatu yang jarang saya lewatkan. Namun, sarapan lebih dini juga tidak pernah saya lak...

Benar sedang dipenuhi rasa penyesalan saat lagi nulis postingan ini. :'(..... Gimana enggak? Hari ini ngampus untuk satu matkul yang saya kira ada, ternyata  gak ada. Artinya hari ini benar2 hari libur untuk saya. Kemaren apalagi. Siang pas kelas, sahabat2 baik saya nelpon dari puncak Gn.Penanggungan hanya untuk ngeledekin saya dan bilang, "Pret, kirim salam dari puncak Penangggungan! :D ".... Bete banget gak sih??? -______________-"........ Hal tersebut semakin membuat saya bete karena hari dimana saya paling menyukai matkul2 yang ada di dalamnya ternyata hanya menjadi satu hari yang ga jelas. Bukan gak jelas juga sih. Tapi emang kalau bisa dibilang sih, kalau ngebolos di hari itu juga gak bakal rugi-rugi amat. Soalnya satu hari itu cuma pengulangan aja, yang bisa dibilang saya udah cukup paham. Bukannya mau nganggap remeh, tapi emang benar2 saya lagi pengen yah dikit relaksasi untuk beberapa minggu ini. Nah gitu deh. Kalau saya semisal ikut muncak kamaren yah ba...